Chasing your dream is hard

I used to mentor people at work, and I love that feeling of sharing something with them that made them feel like they could run through walls. Like they could accomplish all of their hopes and dreams. Or take a leap of faith and go do something crazy in their life. I could give them a little bit more courage, a little bit more confidence... and that's the thing that makes me the happiest.

Um, I'm 44 now. I have been a DJ. I've been a pro gamer. I've worked at Meta, on Oculus, and AR glasses, and nonprofit fundraisers. I done a ton of stuff in my life. And my latest leap is to move my family to Bali to experience a slower, calmer pace of life and bet on myself. I quit my job, and I planned to start making videos like this. I wanted to DJ again, I wanted to start making music. You are at the beginning of my journey here.

When we moved to Bali five months ago, I thought it would be easy. How hard can it be? You pack up all your stuff, you move there, you live a great life. I've visited before. It an amazing place.

Oh, my gosh, was I so wrong. It has been so hard. I guess that's why not everyone just packs up and moves across the world.

Despite this, I'm so happy that we made the move. Our kids see mind blowing experiences on a daily basis. They see a woman walking down the street carrying a set of bananas on her head, selling them to local markets. They see the butchers on the side of the street chopping up chickens for sale. They see people carrying crazy things on the back of their motorbikes. It's been such an amazing experience. But for me... it's been really hard.

As you move through life, you can take the safe road. The well traveled road. You can work your 9 to 5 job, go to college, study hard, get a job, work your way at the corporate ladder. You can work in finance, you can work in 'safe' (traditional) industries. Or you can do something a little different. And I've always respected people who do things a little differently.

I have, in my past, chosen careers that were not traditional. My mom thought I was insane for dropping out of college to be a pro gamer. To be fair, it was pretty crazy but it helped me meet so many amazing people. It gave me so much confidence. It taught me so much about the world that I never would have learned sitting in that college classroom.

This video isn't to tell people to go do something crazy. There are thousands like that on every platform. Instead, I want to share my experience as someone who is in the middle of one of those crazy adventures, almost near the beginning.

There are a lot of ups and downs. You see people on Instagram or on TikTok saying, I quit my job, I'm following my dream, I'm making millions of dollars. My guess is to get there, they struggled a lot. In ways they likely couldn't predict.

Dreams come with unexpected challenges

I knew that moving to Bali would challenge me to learn a new language (bahasa Indonesian and eventually Balinese). I knew it would challenge me to live without a salary. To become confident working with my wife, who started her own business. To figure out how I can make money going forward. I knew it would be hard to move all our stuff and move into a new house. I anticipated those things, and they were hard, but I didn't anticipate how hard the loneliness would hit me.

I underestimated how much I would miss just having a glass of whiskey with my friend James in his garage. Going to a concert with some of my friends and dancing like crazy. We've met amazing people here, but that loneliness... it hits so deep and so hard. I didn't understand how heavy it would feel.

I also didn't anticipate how hard it would be to live here. I've visited Bali twice before, once on a surf trip in 2018, which was amazing and life changing. I was just coming out of a divorce. I wanted to try solo travel. And I came here, surfed some great waves. became much better at surfing. I met people. I got a massage every day. I went to the gym. I lived this amazing tourist experience, and I fell in love with this place. I came back in 2023 for a friend's and had a similarly amazing experiecnce.

But it's so different when you live here. Day to day things like.. our water bill was going to be shut off because it wans't paid when we move in can be jarring. A man who didn't speak english came to the door, handed us a pink piece of paper, and left. I translated it and it said 'your water will be shut off.' I had no idea where to go. Who to talk to. How does a water system even work here? These are all things I took for granted back in California.

And if I was just by myself, that would be one thing. But knowing that I have my family here raises the stakes. I feel very responsible for their safety and well being. Those little uncertainties (e.g. we still have some sort of rodent in our roof and noone can get it out) can be triggering and add up. They keep me on edge in a way that didn't happen back in the States.

I also didn't anticipate how tired I would be. I quit my job. I don't have a schedule anymore. I'm helping my wife with her business. I am working around the house (house husband !) I'm taking care of our kids, but my days are pretty chill. Yet, come 11 p.m. or midnight, it's really hard to fall asleep. My mind is racing all evening. The kids are waking up in the middle of the night to go pee. They're not comfortable in a new house yet. Who knows what is banging around in our roof up there. All these things together have put me in a state of exhaustion that I didn't anticipate.

Chase your dreams but expect pain

And so my message to you, someone watching this, and being like, What is this crazy guy talking about... is to go after your dream, chase it, take the leap, but know it's gonna be hard in ways you cannot predict. And that's part of the journey.

I am a perpetual optimist. I recently realized, as someone who strives to be happy all the time... I'm learning to appreciate that hardship and struggle. The lows in your life, make the highs higher. If you live a life where everything's great, and you're happy and everything goes your way, and then something better happens to you, it's almost like a little bump. You're like, okay, that was nice.

But when you take these crazy swings at life, and it doesn't go the way you planned, and shit gets hard, and you're not sure if you're gonna make it, and your kid gets a parasite (yes this happened 🤦‍♂️), you panic and think "Oh, my God, what is happening?"

That establishes a new baseline of how you feel, and you're low. And it makes that next high feel so much higher, because it wasn't coming from this already 'high,' consistent level of happiness. There's a dip, and you felt things in that dip that you're not used to feeling, and you're uncomfortable, and you wonder, "am I doing the right thing? Should we even be here?" You start to second guess everything about yourself. But that makes the highs feel so much higher.

Conclusion

I'm so happy we're here in Bali. I'm so happy we made this leap. I'm so happy I quit my job. I'm proud of my wife for starting her company. I'm proud of my kids for landing in a foreign country, learning the language, and being excited to go ride their bike down the street next to all the scooters and motorbikes without being afraid.

But damn, moving to paradise is alot harder than I expected.